For Him....

Father,

I wanted to say how sorry I am, for I am just a sinner. I'm reckless, young, naive, and just here. Without You, I could not be the person that other people see me as. A kind, warm-hearted, loving, gentle person. I don't see these qualities in me a lot of the time. I see an angry, wounded, weak...not quite a person...in the mirror. You've made me who I am, and I'm blessed to know that with You, through You I can be this person. The person everyone else sees, that I wish I could see too.

I love seeing this beautiful masterpiece You've created for us to live in, until we can be with You. I do know that we aren't supposed to hold onto this world, but I must admit how hard that really is, God. In this life, all I've ever wanted to be is a mom...to love a child with every part of me and to be called Mommy. I know that I can make an impact on so many children's lives with my chosen career; however, I want to impact at least on child's life how my mother impacted mine. I've always questioned whether I'd be able to have a child, but have never questioned whether I wanted to be  a mom. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand how I can have a dream that is so real, but in Your plans, it's not for me. For every baby I bear in this life, I ask that You watch over them. I will love them all, and I hope to meet them all someday, no matter if it's in this life or the next.

Am I still considered a mom, even if my child doesn't exist in this life? It's amazing how much you can love someone you've never met. And yes, the plan might lessen over time, but it never goes away. I still miss my baby who is in Heaven with You, as You know. I think about Lovebug almost everyday. I hope they will know how much I wanted them and how I wish they could have been here on earth.

Thanks for listening,

Your Loving Daughter

Here's to the future 2.2

Now that the news is not so new, I'm done with school until the fall and my mom has met my fiance, life is going to get crazy, and I'm going to start planning. (I started the other day by trying on dresses with my mom). And it was my second day out, when we found the one. We've set the date for Wednesday, June 19, 2013! I couldn't be more happy. At the moment though, I'm not sure what else there is for me to do. I've picked the dress, the date and the place. We're come up with a pretty good sketch of the guest list, and picked the colors. Oh, and of course a budget. We've even picked a caterer. I know there's still a lot to do, but for the most part it seems like you can't do anything about it at the moment. This is slightly frustrating to me because I'm a planner and won't have time during the school year to do much.

However, I still have not come up with a plan on how I'll plan a wedding, go to school full-time and work full-time. I just have to work hard, remember to spend time with David and my MOH, and hope for the best.