Day 10: Beliefs

As far as beliefs go, I have always believed in heaven, but even more so now. It's like I have to believe in it, because in heaven I will see all of my babies again. That is the only way I will ever see my babies again.

P.S. I didn't do Day 9: Music, because no particular song reminds me of any of my Bugs.

Day 8: Color

This is a picture of the sunrise this morning. It worked for color, because The sky was blue, some of the mountains purple, and the other mountains black. I don't know why these colors remind me of my angels, but they do. Dark purple for LylLeigh, darkish blue for Hunter and black/gray for Lochlan.

Day 7: Me Now

I have three angel babies. I've finally learned that it's okay to that it's okay to talk about it, and that I really am a mom. I hope to be a better mom to them. My angels are now 2 at the end of next month, 16 months yesterday, and 2 months yesterday.

Day 6: Rituals

I don't really have any rituals yet, except one. I have lost a baby every year for the past three years. So around Christmas time, I will go and purchase an ornament for the baby that passed that year, so every child of mine will have their own.

Also, today Lochlan is 2 months old in heaven. I miss you Bugs!

Day 5: Memory

I didn't do Day 4, because it was Legacy, and I haven't figured it out yet.

My favorite memory was finally during my third pregnancy, I got to hear what a baby's heartbeat sounds like. I was nervous, because we hadn't made it to 9 weeks yet, but at 8w3d, Lochlan had a strong heartbeat that brought tears to my eyes.

Day 3: Myths

It hurts more when you lose them later on....

I didn't want to post a picture for this, because I'm not exactly what kind of picture would capture this, but I've lost three babies two at almost 9 weeks and one at 20 weeks, which I delivered. Every time I heard "There's no heartbeat." My heart broke.

Day 2: Identity

So I started to do this yesterday, but then my computer started acting weird, so I'm posting it this morning...

I have three angel babies, which I refer to as my bugs. Every one of them has been called that in utero. The first we named LylLeigh Clair Mae, and call her Lovebug. My second we chose the name Hunter William Miach, and call him Junebug. These were the names we picked out while I was pregnant with LylLeigh. We though they were a girl and then a boy, so it worked out.

The picture is of what holds our third angel, Lochlan's, ashes. We chose the name Lochlan Whyatt Oliver. He was born at 20 weeks sleeping. He had short little feet, but long legs and arms. He was 9 inches long, and looked as if he was yawning.

They will always be loved and remembered. And when we do have a rainbow baby, they will know that they have a sister and two brothers.