Here's to a hypocritical post...

What I want...

My freshman year of college is winding down to just a month left and I'll be out of here before I know it. I would like to say, that before I leave for the summer, I have done a lot. My best friend Kayla and I have decide to rent part of a house or an apartment next year, which I'm really excited for. Not only that, but I decided what to do with my life in some small sense. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, but I'm going to get an associates degree in Early Childhood Care and Education. I have always wanted to work with children, so we'll see where He takes me from here. Last, I'll be getting a job next semester as part of the program. I'm really excited about this part, because I'll be working in a daycare! Yay!!!

For the next part of my post, the hypocritical part. I know he has plans for me, but there are so many things I want. I want to be out of school and I would love to be a mother. The other day my roomie and I went looking at apartments and the guy asked what we were studying. As usual, she said undecided, and his response was hilarious..."So your taking generals and looking for a husband." To my surprise, she laughed and said, "Something like that." This was news to me. I love her to death, but I was shocked, because she had never said anything to this effect before. I think she was joking, but anything's possible.

I want the guy...I would love to find him. I'm tired of just meeting a guy, them trying to sweep me off my feet, it works, and I end up falling. I hate and am scared of falling...guys have made me scared to fall. I hope that when I meet the right man, that he will be patient with me, love me and support me as I learn to fall in love again.

This was my dream...I wanted to get married to my high school or college sweetheart. I wanted to not go to school, but be a wife and mother instead. And with everyday that passes, I worry that I won't find that, that it isn't in His plans for me. I know that if that's the truth, I will have to accept that. I want so badly to be in love...be married...have a baby. I would be okay if that meant adopting. It doesn't matter to me, God. I just want to...

Please God, I want to trust you, I want to have faith in what you have in store for me, I want you to fill me up with you, your love. Please, please God...I want to wait for him. I need your strength...please.

P.S. I wrote this in April. I finally decided to post it.