What now...?

I apologize for taking so long to write. It's been such a long time, and I have been very busy. It doesn't help that I don't have internet in my apartment. Where should I start? Even though it was hard, and some days it is still difficult, I'm coming to terms that I won't have my baby in this lifetime. My boyfriend and I have weathered through it all, and he's been so strong and supportive for me. I however am not writing to dwell on this; I just wanted to give an update.

I have had a crazy schedule and now that all my plans have changed, I have to make new ones, right? Well, right after this all had happen to keep my mind busy I started to make plans. These were some crazy, and I mean crazy plans. My boyfriend and I had discussed when I got pregnant, that we'd probably get married in the future, but no promises because neither of us wanted to. Well, after the miscarriage I asked one simple question, "Do you still want to marry me?" Not that we ever planned on it in the first place, nor that I actually wanted to get married, but he looked at me in all seriousness, "yes." That was all I needed, and I ran with it. I was over the hill in dates, colors and places, and up to my head in 'Who to invite?' I wasn't even engaged, pregnant, nothing....and I was planning a wedding. Not to mention, I'm a poor college student who moved into an apartment and is now...broke. How would I even afford an small court wedding, not even an extravagant one like this. I wanted to always be a housewife, but the wife part, maybe not so much. This, I hope sounds funny, because looking at it now, I sound insane to myself, let alone the world I told about it...

Oops, because my plans have, of course, changed again. I have only discussed these now with two people, my mom, who's one of my best friend, my boyfriend, and you. We've talked about many options, but the most recent, decided on one has been for him to work full time, me finishing school (maybe even back in Colorado) to get a bachelors and then getting married. (Between now and then, I hope to get a ring.) This seems more like a reasonable option because it will give us time together, maybe apart, to figure things out, save money, and of course, plan more...