one big What If...?

One big What If...some of you are probably wondering what I'm going to talk about...well, I promise to explain what the one big What If is. As my wonderful husband and I talk about the possibilities life could provide for us, which occurs quite often and changes usually at the same rate. It's up in the air for us what the   future may bring us. I don't know if or when or where we'll move. I don't know if and when we'll have children. I don't know what I'll do as a job come this May when my hours get cut. Life is the big What if...? I don't know what will happen, but what I do know is that it's an adventure that I get to enjoy with my love, my best friend.

I think that's dying. When I was little a woman told me that her husband was her best friend. Being younger than ten and having divorced parents, I thought she was crazy. I now understand more than ten years later what she means. I'm happy to say that I to married my best friend. As life moves forward, friends come and go, as do jobs and children will grow up and move away too. I know that through thick and thin we stand the stormy test of time. I find that my generation doesn't seem to understand that. They marry knowing that divorce is an option, there's contract marriages. And even though they say in their vows "till death do we part" I don't think they understand that's forever! Your life is meant to be with one person, someone you trust, love and can live with for years and years. No, I don't think most people look at it going into marriage "I'll be divorced most likely in five years."  I do however believe that they may give up to easily or not even be picky enough to start with. I may not be old enough or married long enough for some to have the credibility to state this, but these are my thoughts. And I'm very proud of my decision, who I chose, and who chose me! Anyway, that's all I'll say for now.

Hope

     So I have an amazing friend, and we're reading a book, The Shack by William P Young, together. I'm really liking this book and I'd recommend it to anyone, and yes, I've only read through chapter four. But yesterday we were talking about the book and something she said yesterday struck me. She was talking about how someone she knew was talking about how just because you pray for something, doesn't mean it will happen the way or at the time you want. And they are right, everything is on God's terms. I know I've written a previous blog post that had this same point, but bear with me. She said a verse Jeremiah 29:13 Seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.  She talked about how if you love God and know Him, then that will show through. Best of all, you will be better for it and He will give you a blessed life. And you know what? God does hear our prayers. He listens so attentively to us, and for some reason he does answer them. I've been praying for a baby, successful pregnancy, a healthy baby. And no I'm not telling you that I'm pregnant, but I know that I just need to love Him, lean on Him and trust Him with my whole heart and dreams. This doesn't mean that I'll have a baby, but it does mean that I will be blessed. I see this through my loving husband, my mommy, my step-mom, and my friend. God has perfect timing if it doesn't seem like it in that moment, the picture will reveal itself. This doesn't mean that I don't want to be a mom anymore, that I changed my mind about having children, or that I stop asking God for a miracle. But it reminds that I need to trust Him, love Him. And that Luke 11:9 So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. I have hope in the future, in my future, in our future.

The Box...

     I had this idea, but I thought I was crazy, at least a little bit. From expecting Lovebug, we had collect a few items for the arrival, and I wasn't the only one, for their Jammie had too (my mom). Then when we expected Junebug, the same thing happened, and sadly the same result as well, items with no baby. Not only was this the case, but while we were expecting our little Junebug, we attended classes that gave us "money" to buy more stuff for the baby.

     Then over the summer I watched a movie, Eat, Pray, Love. In the beginning of the movie her and her friend were talking about dreams. Her friend shows her The Box, this box contained her dreams of having a baby, as it was filled with baby stuff. She goes on to say that she has a box, but it's not filled with that, but filled with the dream of travelling. Right then and there I decided something, I needed a box. 

     I wasn't crazy to collect things that well help me fulfill this dream, or build it. All I needed was a box, so I could put this stuff away, and/or add to it until this dream came true. So I now have a box, and it keeps growing. I don't believe there is any gender specific things in my box. My dream is to have a baby and with every holiday or sale that passes, every time I go to the store, I look through to see if there's anything to add to The Box. It's our box, our love, our babies, it's part of us.