What an Adventure! Part 1.1

November 4, 2011

Wowsers! This has been quite the past couple of weeks. On the week of October 10th, I had a strange feeling. This feeling I've never had before, and some will never know this feeling. What was this feeling? A one of a kind, 'I might be pregnant.' feeling. Yeah, crazy right? Well, I honestly couldn't remember how many weeks I had been without my monthly friend, but I knew that it had been almost three weeks as a rough estimate. I took a test...and to no suprise, negative. But no matter what that stick said with one little pink line, that feeling didn't go away! It drove me crazy. Over that next week and a half, was one of the longest waits of my life yet! Without my monthly gift still, on Saturday, October 22 I took another. TA-DA!!! Without a doubt, there was two pink lines smiling at me as tears of joy, and nerves rolled down my face. Since then I have looked for information on everything! Now at 5w5d and counting, I'm so excited for this new adventure on my journey of life!!!

December 3, 2011

Sadly, I have to say that this adventure came to an end on November 30th. I went in for an ultrasound at 9 weeks and 3 days, where they didn't see the heartbeat. All I have to say is that I will always remember our little lovebug, who we only knew for a short 6 weeks. I know that our angel baby is up in heaven with God and family, and that they will take care of Little Lovebug until I am there.

Lovebug

Positive: Oct 22, 2011 Miscarriage: November 30, 2011 Due Date: July 1, 2012

Who's tiny prints crossed our hearts, but couldn't stay...

Trying to Find Strength

This is so hard for me. I got what is the best news in the world the other day. I know God has a plan for me and what will happen, it's just hard to find His strength in me. Honestly, I have to ways to look at it. I can see this as a mistake or part of His plan for me. I'm going to go with the latter half, and have seen it that way since the beginning. However, I feel at a very weak point in my life due to this news. I tend to be someone who plans in advance and likes to know what's going to happen. This has been a wake up call from Him. I now know that I'm not in control, and that He is the only one that knows. I am trying to find the courage and strength to just trust Him, to put my faith fully in Him and the plan he has for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

*Note: Just a heads up, "What an Adventure!" is a new series I have started to write. I will be posting it around Christmas!

My tattoos...

I would like to create my new tattoo...

As my latest and greatest idea of living my life for Jesus Christ, I have decided to get a tattoo that represents that. It will be a cross, with a black outline, not sure if it will have soft, round edges or straight, hard edges.

For the soft one, I want to the top to be:

J

o

h

n

3:16

The bottom:

J

e

r

a

m

i

a

h

29:11

And one verse on the inside of each arm of the cross...

For the hard edged one, either the same or like:

J

e

r

Corinthians 13:13  a       Hebrews 11:1

m

i

a

h

29:11

Some of you may be asking, "But why a tattoo?" Well, I'll tell you. Each of my tattoos represent and mean something to me. Some are harder to explain than others, but they all have a meaning behind them. My first tattoo I got when I was 18, about a month after my birthday. It is a tribal heart, that I'm guessing most have seen. That is the tattoo with the complicated meaning...so I'm not going to try to explain it. My second tattoo I got was the next year , a month before my 19th birthday. It is a lily, with omnia causa fiunt written along the stem. The lily is my favorite flower, and the saying means, 'Everything happens for a reason,' a saying I have used basically as my motto. I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know that I can trust in the Lord, and he has a reason for what happens and the way they do. As I have already given you an idea of what my next one will be and what that stands for. And so far, I can only think of one more. It will be a representation of "breaking free". I have to first get a degree before I get this tattoo, but eventually I will get it...

Praying...

I was looking out the window spacing...and something random crossed my mind. I thought to myself, I should be praying. Praying for my future husband. I know it might sound odd, but I don't pray nearly as much as I should. I feel close to God in one sense, but in the other, He's like a friend I don't talk to. I was talking to a friend awhile back and she told me that it's something people do quite often, praying for their future spouse. Even though we don't know them, or we do and we don't know that it's them. I also remember talking to a friend I've had for years now, and a couple of years ago, we were discussing future husbands. Anyway, this isn't to discuss about my future husband, but praying for him. But when I did more research on it there were a lot of praying about yourself and him. So I decided I should start with myself.

God, I turn to you to ask for your help. Help me in putting off these feelings of longing. Help me wait for the proper time for marriage and a family. Lead me to find the one who You have chosen for me. Help me on this Yjourney to build friendships with those around me and with You, so I can be closer with You. When the time does come, You will be there and help me make one of the biggest decisions of my life, and You will help me know if the time has come and he is the one You have chosen for me. Teach me Lord to seek You and Your love first. Help me to remember on this journey of life, You are always there for me. Lead me, Lord, to do Your will for me and not my own. Amen.

Strawberries with sugar :)

So this summer I had all these plans to be healthy. Well, let's just say it didn't work out the way I planned. As you can tell from the title, I'm eating strawberries with sugar on them. Yum!

Anyway, none of my summer really turned out as planned, big surprise there! That's okay though, because it's not quite over yet and I really can't complain about how it has turned out.

I have also decided to delete my facebook. We'll see how that goes over. I still want to and will keep in touch with people, I just don't want a facebook anymore. I hope that makes sense.

Have you ever seen a cat drool? I know it sounds crazy, at least to me it does, because I had never until my cat did it. I for some reason have a cat (who I love dearly...she is my baby and my princess) who acts like a dog half the time and drools, which I guess could go under the dog category.

I think I worry enough not just for me, but enough for my family and friends as well. I'm looking at my schedule for this next semester, and frankly the only free time I will have will be on the weekends, but those too will have to include my daily routine and homework. The time I do have left, I will have to split between a few close people, who are very dear to me. I swear, I won't have a lot of me time.

I know these are little blurb thoughts, but that's okay. It's just what's on my mind, and I thought I'd share. 

That's all I'll say for now. Thanks for reading!

Here's to a hypocritical post...

What I want...

My freshman year of college is winding down to just a month left and I'll be out of here before I know it. I would like to say, that before I leave for the summer, I have done a lot. My best friend Kayla and I have decide to rent part of a house or an apartment next year, which I'm really excited for. Not only that, but I decided what to do with my life in some small sense. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, but I'm going to get an associates degree in Early Childhood Care and Education. I have always wanted to work with children, so we'll see where He takes me from here. Last, I'll be getting a job next semester as part of the program. I'm really excited about this part, because I'll be working in a daycare! Yay!!!

For the next part of my post, the hypocritical part. I know he has plans for me, but there are so many things I want. I want to be out of school and I would love to be a mother. The other day my roomie and I went looking at apartments and the guy asked what we were studying. As usual, she said undecided, and his response was hilarious..."So your taking generals and looking for a husband." To my surprise, she laughed and said, "Something like that." This was news to me. I love her to death, but I was shocked, because she had never said anything to this effect before. I think she was joking, but anything's possible.

I want the guy...I would love to find him. I'm tired of just meeting a guy, them trying to sweep me off my feet, it works, and I end up falling. I hate and am scared of falling...guys have made me scared to fall. I hope that when I meet the right man, that he will be patient with me, love me and support me as I learn to fall in love again.

This was my dream...I wanted to get married to my high school or college sweetheart. I wanted to not go to school, but be a wife and mother instead. And with everyday that passes, I worry that I won't find that, that it isn't in His plans for me. I know that if that's the truth, I will have to accept that. I want so badly to be in love...be married...have a baby. I would be okay if that meant adopting. It doesn't matter to me, God. I just want to...

Please God, I want to trust you, I want to have faith in what you have in store for me, I want you to fill me up with you, your love. Please, please God...I want to wait for him. I need your strength...please.

P.S. I wrote this in April. I finally decided to post it.

Mothers

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts."

~Washington Irving

This really should have been posted on Mother's day, but I'm doing it anyway. Mothers are a special gift to us from God. He gave us mom's to love, care, worry, help, encourage, understand, sacrifice, and be there no matter what. No matter how old you are, you know that you can always turn to her.

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever."

~Author Unknown

As we grow up, mothers watch over us, love us and take care of us. She shows us the important things in life, like how to love and care, as well as teaches us how to be strong. She protects us from the world, but teaches us the dangers, so later on we can protect ourselves.

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."

~Sophia Loren,Women and Beauty

Being a mother is nowhere near easy. Being a mother takes strength, understanding, love and courage. When you become a mother, you are no longer living for yourself, but for your children and family. When your child hurts, you hurt with them. You have to be strong for them and support them. You are a friend, yet first and foremost a mother.

"A mother understands what a child does not say."

~Author Unknown

I am blessed to have not just one, but two wonderful loving mothers. I have my mommy, and Tina, my step-mom. I love them both dearly. They have been there for me and my four brothers, loved us unconditionally, encouraged us to be what we want to be, protected and yet showed us the world, joys and dangers in it alike, and sacrificed for us. These are two very strong women, and one day when I am a mother, I hope to be like them.

"Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love."

~Mildred B. Vermont

A quote I find funny, and yet kind of true...

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895