Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day

Today is October 15th, which was declared Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. I have stopped doing the Month of Healing, because it seems to be a chore more so now than it was at the beginning of the month.

I found out my sister-in-law went into labor last night, too early, since she's about 32 weeks along. Both her and the unborn baby are doing well, which I'm very grateful for. My brother-in-law asked if we ever found out what happened to our baby, since they were due around the same time. I told him, which the umbilical cord had twisted too tight, and he said, "well you guys will have a baby soon." I appreciate the thought, but it hurt. Because he doesn't know that we will actually have a baby, and if so, when that will happen. It looks like we'll be more likely adopting,  but my husbands family won't look at that child, our child, the same as they would if I gave birth to it. It's upsetting, but they aren't necessarily very supportive anyway, so I don't believe that my family needs that influence in our life.

In this world there are so many what if's...I hope that someday, sooner than later, DP and I will have a take home, rainbow baby. Until then, we know and love our little angels in heaven, who we will see someday. They will always be remembered, and in honor of their existence, I have lit candles at 7 pm to remember those little lives, who are not with us anymore. For my angels, and friends' angels who I have met on this journey.